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Sexual Health – What Is BDSM?

If you’ve ever fantasized about getting kinky in the bedroom, you’re not alone. 

Don’t tell that you don’t remember E. L. James’s novel Fifty Shades of Grey or the movie, well that is just a reference that interest in BDSM — bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism — is anything but rare. (1)  

Aipapii summarized the fundamentals, types and roles and safety rules.

How Many People are doing it?

Nearly 47 percent of women and 60 percent of men have fantasized about dominating someone sexually, while slightly more women and less men are aroused by the idea of being dominated, according to a study published online March 3, 2016, in he Journal of Sex Research. (2) the same study also found that almost 47 percent adults would like to participate in at least one nontraditional type of sexual activity, and 33.9 percent said that they’d done so at least once in the past.

Not surprised that if you search the phrase “BDSM” on Google it will return more than 500 million results.

The History of BDSM: Then and Now

Checking up on historical data and you’ll discover that BDSM is nothing new. Here are some of the BDSM’s high points back in time:

  • Art and texts from ancient Greece and Rome show physical pain being used as an erotic stimulus, per the book An Illustrated History of the Rod, by William M. Cooper, first published in 1868. (3)
  • The Kama Sutra, the revered Sanskrit text on sexuality written in India about 2,000 years ago, describes six appropriate places to strike a person with passion and four ways to do it. It also has chapters titled “Scratching,” “Biting,” and “Reversing Roles.” (4)
  • The Marquis de Sade, a French aristocrat who lived from 1740 to 1814, wrote a variety of erotic novels and short stories involving being beaten and beating others. Eventually the author’s name gave rise to the term “sadism.”
  • Similarly, the term “masochism” is derived from the name of Austrian nobleman and author Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, whose 1870 novel Venus in Fursdescribes a dominant-submissive relationship. (5)
  • Back in 1953, a Kinsey Institute study found that 55 percent of women and 50 percent of men were aroused by being bitten. (6)
  • And even pre-Fifty Shades of Grey, 36 percent of U.S. adults reported having had sex using masks, blindfolds, or other forms of bondage, according to the 2005 Durex Global Sex Survey. (7)

The Psychology of BDSM: Why does it feel good? 

“People always ask if it’s normal to be interested in BDSM,” says Michal Daveed, a spokeswoman for The Eulenspiegal Society, a nonprofit organization in New York City that describes itself as the “oldest and largest BDSM support and education group” in the country.

One landmark study published in 2008 in the Journal of Sexual Medicine backs Daveed up. (9) It found that people who engaged in BDSM were more likely to have experienced oral sex or anal sex, to have had more than one partner in the previous year, to have had sex with someone other than their regular partner, and to have taken part in phone sex, visited an internet sex site, viewed an X-rated film or video, used a sex toy, had group sex, or taken part in manual stimulation of the anus, fisting, or rimming.

“Our findings support the idea that BDSM is simply a sexual interest or subculture attractive to a minority, and for most participants not a pathological symptom of past abuse or difficulty with ‘normal’ sex,” the researchers concluded.

“BDSM is a healthy expression of sexuality,” says Filippo M. Nimbi, PhD, a researcher at the Institute of Clinical Sexology and in the department of dynamic and clinical psychology at Sapienza University, both in Rome.

“People engaging in BDSM are usually people who have thought a lot about their sexuality,” Nimbi explained. “They have explored and faced their sexual boundaries. Basically, they know what they like, and they do it. This has a positive outcome on their sexual experiences and on the overall quality of their lives.”

In general, everyone is different. We can develop the same fantasy from different stories, and we can develop different fantasies from the same stories. Some people find in BDSM a way to be free, to get wild, to let go, and to play a different role from their everyday lives. If they get satisfaction and respect the ‘rules,’ why should it be abnormal?”

Roleplaying and BDSM: The Variety is in your mind

Doctor and patient. Teacher and student. Role-playing is a common aspect of BDSM “play.” It may involve two or more people who “act out” a particular scene or fantasy. BDSM role play can happen in person or virtually. It almost always involves at least one individual being dominant and another being submissive. It may be simple, or it may be complicated enough to require a script. And actual sex is not the focus.

Some of the most popular themes for BDSM role play include:

  • Kidnapper-victim
  • Law Enforcement–prisoner
  • Owner-pet
  • Royal-commoner

Asking to have clothespins attached to your tongue. Being mummified with plastic wrap so that you’re completely immobilized. Living as a submissive wearing a leather collar while serving a dominant partner. Yes, there are people who choose these activities — the key word being “choose.”

It is always voluntary, and the reason people do it is because it feels good.

Common forms of BDSM play include:

  • Bondage (restraint or restriction)
  • Wax (dripping hot wax on the skin)
  • Impact (spanking, slapping, caning, flogging)
  • Sensation (using tools such as feathers, a paddle, burlap, on the skin)
  • Sensory deprivation (blindfolds, earmuffs, ear plugs)

The Importance of Communication

How can having someone strike you, perhaps to the point that you cry out in pain, not be abuse? “Consent is the magic word,” says Nimbi.

In a dominant-submissive “scene,” for instance one in which one person is going to be flogged, it’s standard practice for the “dom” or “top” and the “sub” or “bottom” to first negotiate at length and then contract, often in writing, what the sub is definitely willing to do, what he or she might be willing to do, and what is absolutely off-limits before they begin to “play.”

They also must agree on a safe word or gesture that the sub can use at any time to stop the action. That means that if there’s any potential for pain, both players are aware of the rules and of their own limits. Ironically, it also means that the sub actually has more control of the scene than the dom since he or she defines the parameters and has the power to stop the action at any time, for any reason.

How to Try It Safely at Home

If you’re planning on trying kink at home, experts advise going to a class, reading a book, listening to a podcast, or checking out informational videos on YouTube before trying anything other than light BDSM at home to see and learn how to engage in this type of erotic expression safely.

You have to learn this. You don’t just go to Home Depot and buy a rope and tie your husband up. BDSM play is not random. It’s not built on spontaneity. It’s built on anticipating a set of behaviors that are negotiated beforehand.

Social Etiquette and BDSM

It might sound contrary, but there’s most definitely a code of behavior with regard to practicing BDSM properly. If you’re thinking about trying BDSM at a social gathering, often dubbed a “play party,” which can be an informal gathering hosted by someone or an organized event, you’ll need to do some prepping beforehand about the social mores. Can you touch someone else’s toys? How do you handle consent? Can everybody play? Learning the ropes before you go will ensure that you have a good time.

BDSM and the Law: What You Need to Know

The legality behind BDSM is murky.

Legally, for instance, you cannot consent to be tortured or assaulted. And, to the outside eye, some BDSM activities can appear to fall into that category. So, for example, if police raid a BDSM event and see activities that they object to, they can charge the participants even if there is consent. While it’s unlikely you’ll encounter a problem, especially in the confines of your own home, it’s good to know the lay of the land, legally. And there are special cases — like custody battles — where people need to know how this kind of information can be used in court.


Aipapii owes the credit for the article to EverydayHealth

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A Guide to Sex Toys Safety

colorful photo illustration of dildos on blue background

When choosing and caring for a sex toy, there are a few things to consider regarding safety.

The sex toy business is hot, hot, hot. Current estimates say it is a nearly $30 billion industry — and that could jump to more than $50 billion by 2026. These days, everyone is in on the action, from solo users to couples, millennials to baby boomers. Physicians even recommend sex toys for health purposes.

Sex toy safety, however, isn’t always top of mind, although experts say it should be.  

Do not get this wrong, usage of sex toys is safe of course, used in very intimate ways. So how can you protect yourself while enjoying all of the fun that toys have to offer? Here are five crucial safety tips every savvy sex toy consumer should be aware of.

Know What Materials Your Toys Are Made Of

illustration of DEHP phthalate plasticizer molecule

Although there is not scientific literature analyzing the body safety of various sex toy materials, there are some materials that Consumers may choose to avoid.

Some toys are made with phthalates. These chemicals, which are present in some plastics, have been banned for use in such products as children’s toys and pacifiers because they may disrupt human hormones. It is unclear what (if any) impact phthalates have on human health. But if you have made a personal decision to avoid them elsewhere in your life — for example, your cosmetics —  it is important to know they could be lurking in your sex toys.

Wash & Dry Your Sex Toys Regularly

sex toys washed and drying on drying rack, soap, plates bubbles Like, really regularly. Sex toys should be cleaned between every sex act and in between every partner.

Aipapii calls for strict genital hygiene, which includes keeping anything that comes into contact with sensitive areas as germ-free as possible.

Anything that touches or goes into your intimate area — like a finger, penis, or sex toy — should be thoroughly washed before touching other genitals

Don’t forget that  sex toys can get covered in dust and other particles while they’re stored.

Refer to your toy’s manufacturer for washing instructions, most products will tell you specifically how to wash them. Some toys can go in the dishwasher, for example. Well…others cannot.

Use Sex Toys as Intended and Skip Household Items

illustration of bananas and cucumbers

When you get a new sex toy, take time to read the directions. If you are new to sex toys, ease in slowly and stop if anything feels uncomfortable. Aipapii  also urges people to avoid using household items as sex toys. You know what we mean, cucumbers and bananas, hell NO, for example.

Food products, on the other hand, can be fairly porous, which means they can carry bacteria and potentially cause infection.

We’ve heard about people using cell phones on vibrate or electric toothbrushes. What comes up with this? Well, the batteries may not be encased properly, so you can have some sort of caustic reaction as a result of that.

Get yourself a Reliable Supplier

woman ordering online, magenta background, laptop, credit card, phoneThe sex toy industry is growing by the day, which means it can be a challenge to vet the safety of what you’re buying. Experts say to start by researching reputable manufacturers and to look for companies that are transparent about their products. If a manufacturer provides detailed information about the materials it’s using and specifics on how to use and clean its toys, that is a good start.

Aipapii could guarantee about it’s sources, also comes with special notes

If you are looking to shop at an online retailer instead of buying in person, do some research into what Customers are saying online about the products through verified reviews. 

An overall good rule of thumb for sex toys and safety? Listen to your body. If you’re feeling any sort of discomfort, like itchiness, burning, anything, it’s not the right one.

Aipapii owes the credit for the article to:  EverydayHeаlth

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Sex mistakes women often do

You think you know everything about sex? Nice to meet you Mrs. Know it all. Let us add some more information when it comes to matters of the body.

Do you obsess with your look? Shy when it comes to yours or his body? He is down for new thinks, but do you? Do you have good manners in bed? Here is a set of good examples you could simply avoid.

Thinking he is always up for sex

Pretty much true when it comes down to teenage boys, but with grown men is not exactly the same. Assuming you are dealing with men, already passed his middle 20s, there are many factors for their right mood. Work pressure, bills, energy and everyday life can sometimes impact his libido. If he is not into it right now, it doesn’t mean he’s not attracted by you anymore. He truly must be exhausted (or he just want to cuddle and relax) Thinking sex is over when he is May be yes, for him. Let your partner know you haven’t finished your business and give him some directions to get you to the end by using his hands or mouth. They should pay the attention you deserve, align your needs before next time.

Stop reproach your body

Gain few pounds lately? Not a big deal! Putting on extra weight is no excuse to avoid sex. Most of the men are really into curves, believe! Or may be your weight is fine, but you’re fixating on another flow. If he wants to have sex with you, you are sexy. Simple as that.

Counting only on him

Pleasure a woman is not as easy as it seems. Not giving him any guidance, may lead to wrong directions. Go with directions – when, where, how hard, how fast and on and on. Probably he won’t be offended if you say a few words but there is also alternative way to say what you want. For example: when you are watching sex scene just come up with something like, “That’s a good move” or “That doesn’t work for me” Or let out a moan when he does something that’s “definitely yours” When it comes to sex, communication is the key!

Being skeptical when he suggests something new

No new moves and sex routines are ok for you. Doesn’t matter if it’s the kitchen table or bedroom when you get the same filling. Comfort zone can get really boring sometimes. Most of the men like looking at, trying, experimenting and experiencing new things. It’s completely ok to suggest something different and it’s not a criticism of you, more of a natural way of craving for variety. Be open minded. The best of all, he wants to try this new with you.

Wild surprise

If you are preparing wild journey for him, make sure it’s some kind of way communicated first. Sexting, sexy underwear and whipped cream make great surprises. Blindfolds, handcuffs and a riding crop do not. Same goes for tush play – it’s poor manners (and possibly assault) to try to slip in there without asking first.

Saying different name

The moment it happens, good luck with getting away without a fight. Of course, it depends whose name you are referring to: Ryan Reynolds or your ex’s. Especially if there is still drama around getting him over. You can always try to go away with “This is just something women do, that’s all a fantasy and probably doesn’t mean anything.”

Talk too much about tool malfunction

This is natural for every man, but it’s still a bit of awkward situation for both. Doesn’t really understand why. Unless this is ongoing problem, don’t make a big deal about it. Aipapii’s advice is to skip comments in general. Delving into the psychology of why he’s gone down and what it means only makes the situation worse. He could have suddenly had a mental flash of his grandmother, he couldn’t control and here is what happened. You can keep going and try something else. There are a lot of things to do between the sheets. Take it as a change for him to focus on you for a longer time.

Control the booty calls

Make sure you are both just for the sex – it’s really annoying to keep showing up again and again if it was clear it was a one-night thing. Limit the drunken 3am calls – waking someone up every Friday and Saturday night might be abusing as well. Imagine the stress for them. Keep it straight – your booty call isn’t the person you call when you had a bad day. You can’t treat him like a partner. If it’s late at night, better text – it’s much less intrusive. If they’re sleeping, it’s not going to wake them. If they’re with someone else, it’s not going to be awkward. Be short and clear.

Ladies, not so much to think about, but still worth skipping the above in order to take the best of sex.

Aipapii at your service.

Source: EveryDayHealth

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Happy and healthy sex life according to women

Get the full experience between she sheets with these simple tips. The benefits of intimate moments between you two extends way beyond your bedroom. Regular interactions with your partner are the best scenario for creating healthy relationship in general. What if you are not into play games all the time? Is everything alright? – Definitely, yes! Women’s sex impulses may vary. This may result of something different then your current mood. If someone comes in with a low libido, it can often be an indication that something else is going on, on emotional or physical level. Pretty much sexual desire is a barometer of your overall health. You can’t come up with an idea on how to turn up the heat yourself. Check bellow to find out what women really need to feel happy and healthy in sex life.

Open “Sexual Health Talk” with the partner.

No matter how uncomfortable these chit chats may be, you need to be perfectly honest with topics like, “When was the last time you were tested?” or about previous intimate interactions or birth control. Don’t be ashamed to ask your partner about its sexual history. The women are happiest when they feel safe (not only in bed 🙂 ) There is also a way to turn around this discussion into positive one. Come up with something like “I’m really into you, and if we want things to work out for us, we need to talk about our sexual histories” If he or she is not open to the discussion, at least you will have something different to think about.

Some “Add-ons” to make it more pleasurable.

It’s not a secret that middle age women can experience vaginal dryness, but it may be secret to some that younger women can be affected as well. To make things more pleasurable, get yourself lubricant; just be sure to take the “right kind” for you as there are key differences among them, ingredients, purpose etc. Aipapii suggest going natural with water-based lubricant, you can use it naturally and give yourself some more time to warm up.

Be confident with what you want in bed.

There is no reason to be ashamed of your desires. If you are unconformable after all, express your fantasy like something you dreamed about last night. Good suggestion, right? Try to use more stimulating words and expressions, this most likely will lead you to the kind of sex you’d like to have.

More gym, more sex.

You will be surprised how adding some specific exercises can reflect your orgasms and strengthen the pelvic area. When boosted, the kegel muscles, which wrap around the vagina and anus in the shape of a figure eight, help strengthen your pelvic floor, which supports all your pelvic organs. If you are doing it right in result you will get: heightened arousal during sex, better blood circulation, and even be able to produce more lubrication.

Trust and Emotional safety.

It’s impossible to have healthy relationship if you are not fully connected to your significant other or worried about your half’s loyalty. If your think your mate may be cheating on you, it’s important to address it on time. Another remark here: try to start the conversation in a non-confrontational way. You can go with something like “I feel we haven’t been so close lately, you are always on the phone, texting, it makes me feel unsecure” Then be clear what you want from relationship and sex life, because they value.


No matter if it’s a long-term or brand-new relationship, both can be impacted if woman doesn’t feel confident with her body into sexual encounter. May sounds easier said than done but try to disregard a few extra pounds or stretch marks and live for the moment. Calm and take your mind to a relaxing place, where your brain deactivates, so you can experience both soul and body orgasm.

Right diet. Healthier body. Amazing sex.

There are studies showing that choosing certain foods can help you feel sexier. USA University researches shows that phytonutrients found in watermelon can relax blood vessels, which may in turn boost your libido. The same happens to your body when you take foods rich in vitamin C. Research shows that the vitamin increases circulation, which may help improve sex drive in women.

Aipapii at you service!

These easy steps already done? Perfect! Worth checking out: Health benefits to have sex right now

Source: EveryDayHealth

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Health benefits to have sex right now

Health benefits to have sex right now

We are more than sure you are into BIO, watch your weight, go to gym, but are you sure you are not forgetting something? Like making love?!

Not only it is instant pleasure you know, but it does good things to your body too. We are not talking about all the daily tips coming from everywhere: eat more fruits, no alcohol, quit smoking, skip the elevator, etc.

Spend a couple of minutes to find out how sex can help your heart, extends your life and keep you smiled all the time.

Have more sex. Yes, correct. Simple as that. Romping regularly in the sheets really does a body good. Psychological and biological studies already proven having sex overall benefits. How so? Well, for younger audience, sex make you feel like in heaven, connected to your and someone else’s body and so on, but it pays some big-time physical dividends too.

Regular sex reduces stress, improve your sleeping and even helps you live longer (of course as long as it’s safe) Worth the saying that if you live an unhealthy lifestyle, sex is not going to overcome that, not that we are judging. If you’re healthy enough to have sex, then doing the deed regularly can only make you more so.

Here are some great health benefits of having sex.

Sex makes menopause easier to accept

Menopause is the period when a woman’s sexual appetite dries up with her estrogen, right? Not so much! Regular penetration with lubricant, 2-3 times a week, fights vaginal dryness and improves the flexibility and thickness of the skin inside the vagina. Why not vibrator or fingers? Sex is like remedy to pain This one is also proven, especially when orgasm is achieved. A climaxing releases endorphins, natural pain-relievers that can blunt all kinds of pain from menstrual cramps and arthritis to whiplash, back pain, even labor contractions and migraines. Unfortunately, relief is temporary, but it’s a good excuse to hump your half for another 10 minutes.

Extends your lifetime

What caught our attention here: for women, quality counts, for men, it’s all about quantity. One of the best-known British studies is showing those who had at least two orgasms per week had half the mortality risk of those who reported just one a month. A Swedish one claims that men past their 75th birthdays were the ones who stayed sexually active than those who died before 75 had holstered their pistol long before. The findings suggest that it’s orgasm, not just sex, that’s important for health benefits.

“Keeps your heart alive”

Not happy with your sexual activity? Of course, nothing says that poor sex life will give you a heart attack, no worries. But researchers know that stress, anger and depression are huge helpers for heart disease. In addition, when we are in emotional period, rarely feel like making love, but we should. It is proven that it cheers you up and reduce stress, which leads to healthier cardiovascular status, and this all comes from sexual timings. “For that reason, sex is good for your heart.”

Consider sex as working out

Having lots of sex probably won’t get you in “six-pack” shape, but don’t underestimate it, please! The energy spent in sex considered as equal to walking, climbing up the stairs or washing windows. Unfortunately, only few calories are burnt during sex, because (at least in the U.S) it’s not more than seven-minute event. Regular sex keeps your pelvic floor in shape, that’s important because a toned pelvic floor means big orgasms.

Sleep like a baby

Ever gone dirty with your man only to have him turn around and snore right away? We owe this great combo of strenuous exertion and feel-good, sleep-inducing brain chemicals, like oxytocin and prolactin, released during orgasms. Simple explanation: you relax, get calmer, throw away the worries of the day and it makes it easier to drift off.

Sex really can make you happier

Touching and hugging gets oxytocin rushing to your brain, orgasm makes it surge. It’s kind of similar to being hooked up to happy drugs, explains why having sex can put us in a great mood and even guard against depression. Interesting fact: oxytocin, knows as the “bonding hormone” makes mothers fall in love with their newborns. It also makes us feel more connected to the person we’re making love to.

Improves fertility

We know what you are thinking of (also true) but not the point here. Often sex regulates menstrual cycles, which makes conception easier. Having an orgasm, especially after your partner finishes, may even speed up the process of getting knocked up. In addition, semen contains prostaglandins, once you reach your due date, having sex is often suggested to kick-start labor.

In general

We need to love and be loved, it designed by nature. In the absence of these elements, many people become susceptible to loneliness, social anxiety and depression that could affect their life in general. Having an active sex life can make you healthier. We strongly believe it can make you a lot happier as well.

Aipapii at your service.